You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
