I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
im holly from the hills drunk
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
