I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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