Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
