Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
there's paper in my vomit.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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