Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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