some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
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