Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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