Soap is not a condiment
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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