Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
