Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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