so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
