why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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