Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
