I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ladies don't puke and tell
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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