My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
