You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I party with great urgency now.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
