Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
