I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
