3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
