i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
