I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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