Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
