I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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