Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
