So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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