distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
