I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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