We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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