His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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