Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
