You can't special order awesome
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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