I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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