I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
