he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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