You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im holly from the hills drunk
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
