everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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