my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
