i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
