I seem to have left my pride at pride
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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