If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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