Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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