I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
