dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
