There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i think my cat just said my name.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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