i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You can't motorboat a personality
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
