Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
