her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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