dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
