John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
