The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
pray to the hookup gods
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
