I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
