i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
