If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
